Rubbish!

Last week I mailed some papers to my agency, along with the foreign application fee. Because my dossier is hopefully going to the Consulate in the next few weeks, I emailed my coordinator today to make sure the check had arrived. No, was my reply, we got all of the other papers, but not the check. But the check was in the envelope with everything else, I replied. Oh dear, the envelope is in the trash and I missed the check! I had to laugh! I have been known to throw important things away too! A little bump in the road, but not one that will delay my dossier submission, so its an easy fix!

Let's Celebrate!

Eight months and 5 days after starting, my dossier has officially been apostilled and has arrived at my agency. I love FEDEX and the PA Department of State! They are so quick and reliable! I just mailed it via FEDEX this past Monday and it was delivered to my agency in MAINE this afternoon! 4 days! I saw the FEDEX tracking notice in my email today and I was so excited...I thought perhaps it would arrive there early next week...FEDEX has a couple of arrrows that light up to tell you where your package is >>>>package received>>>>>in transit>>>>DELIVERED! Honestly, it was like watching a pregnancy test react! I got all tingly and teary! I loved that moment of waiting.... I held my breath thinking its going to stay gray....then...suddenly the light turned green! It was like my own little test, built in to my adoption, to tell me I am officially waiting for a baby!

After 39 Days and 5 Phone Calls....

the letter of good standing from the State Board of Psychology has finally arrived!! It is the last component I need to provide to my agency to complete my dossier. It is now on a Fedex truck and heading to Harrisburg, PA to be apostilled. From there, it will go directly to my agency.

I won't ever see my completed dossier. Each piece, as I received it, has gone from my hands to the PA Department of State and right on to my agency. I did it the same way for Annika. For Annika, in 2004, it was a lot easier in that I didn't need apostilles because my agency obtained them for me.

Since my agency has most of my dossier, most of it has ALREADY been translated, too. It will be submitted to the Consulate in late March or early April. Now, my agency's license is due for renewal, so they need to wait for that before my dossier can be submitted.

I am relieved that the paper work for which i am responsible is complete for now. I realize that it is often the case that paperwork expires and must be completed again before travel, but for now, I am happy to sit back and wait for our moon sibling.

Without the tension of worrying about paperwork, I can relax and dream about things....will it be a girl or boy? will it be a long wait? to what region will we travel? so many things to be excited about!

Call from the State Board

I received a phone message today from the woman who is writing my psychologist's letter of good standing. The letter has been completed and will go out in tomorrow's mail!

Thinking of You, Little One

It is the beginning of March, Little One, and I am hopeful this month. We began the month with a big snowstorm and snow is always a sign of hope for me. I love it-how it can slowly, calmly, blanket the world with peace for a bit. Snow just comes along, and slows everyone down for a day or two, quietly, peacefully, powerfully telling us to snuggle in close and remember what is important. A snow day~ for Annika and for me~ to stay home and play, to cuddle and watch a movie, then eventually to go outside and play. Annika was so excited and asked repeatedly, "Will my baby sister like snow? Will we pull her on the sled? Don't you wish she was here to play with us today?"

We had a great time playing in the snow...we kicked snow at each other, made pretend ice cream cones, played hide-n-seek, and the snow was piled so high, Annika could climb right on top of the mailbox! She made sure to point out that her sister would be too little to do that! Then after we played long enough and began to freeze, we went inside for~ LEMONADE!~ Yes, lemonade! I was expecting hot chocolate too, but Annika was thirsty for lemonade, so we had lemonade!

Now instead of snuggling in for the night, I had a different idea. When I was little, my mom and dad and I always went out to dinner when it snowed, so Annika and I, trying to continue this family tradition, snuck out to "Old McDonald's" for a happy meal. All in all, Annika and I had a lovely snow day, snuggled close and safe and warm and thinking of you.

So I am hoping that this March snow is a good omen, and the next good news is that my dossier is finished and off to the Consulate, because, little one, we are excited about you! Annika wakes up many mornings and asks if this is the day we can go for her sister~ She says she can hardly wait anymore and suggests that i "just call Kakazkstan and find out what is taking so long!." Somedays I pick her after school and she says, "Lets go get my sister..I am ready and I can't hold it in anymore."

Of course, we know what is taking so long...we are not ready yet are we? I have one dossier paper to wait for oh so impatiently, and you little one, what do you have to do? I wonder, are you born yet and already waiting for us? Or has that not even happened yet? Is that why my dossier, despite my greater efforts, can't seem to get finished? Annika thinks you have been born and are definitely waiting for us...but I still wonder. Whatever you are doing, little one, we are thinking about you and wondering when you will be here with us.

Waiting to Wait

I've finally put my finger on why I am struggling so much with this portion of my wait. I am not actually complaining about waiting. Its because I am not actually waiting yet. I am waiting to wait. As I see it, once my dossier is finished and it goes to the Consulate in New York, then I actually begin waiting for my child. Gathering my own documents and building a dossier is is action oriented, and can be done fairly quickly and easily, once you get going. The last page I need is one that I have no control over. Someone else needs to be complete it. Once I receive it, my dossier is complete and goes to the Consulate. Knowing the dossier is at the Consulate or somewhere in country means that there is hope for something to happen. It is paving the way to the child. This in between place where we are now, this waiting to wait, is a difficult place to be, because I know nothing can happen.