Thinking of You, Little One

It is the beginning of March, Little One, and I am hopeful this month. We began the month with a big snowstorm and snow is always a sign of hope for me. I love it-how it can slowly, calmly, blanket the world with peace for a bit. Snow just comes along, and slows everyone down for a day or two, quietly, peacefully, powerfully telling us to snuggle in close and remember what is important. A snow day~ for Annika and for me~ to stay home and play, to cuddle and watch a movie, then eventually to go outside and play. Annika was so excited and asked repeatedly, "Will my baby sister like snow? Will we pull her on the sled? Don't you wish she was here to play with us today?"

We had a great time playing in the snow...we kicked snow at each other, made pretend ice cream cones, played hide-n-seek, and the snow was piled so high, Annika could climb right on top of the mailbox! She made sure to point out that her sister would be too little to do that! Then after we played long enough and began to freeze, we went inside for~ LEMONADE!~ Yes, lemonade! I was expecting hot chocolate too, but Annika was thirsty for lemonade, so we had lemonade!

Now instead of snuggling in for the night, I had a different idea. When I was little, my mom and dad and I always went out to dinner when it snowed, so Annika and I, trying to continue this family tradition, snuck out to "Old McDonald's" for a happy meal. All in all, Annika and I had a lovely snow day, snuggled close and safe and warm and thinking of you.

So I am hoping that this March snow is a good omen, and the next good news is that my dossier is finished and off to the Consulate, because, little one, we are excited about you! Annika wakes up many mornings and asks if this is the day we can go for her sister~ She says she can hardly wait anymore and suggests that i "just call Kakazkstan and find out what is taking so long!." Somedays I pick her after school and she says, "Lets go get my sister..I am ready and I can't hold it in anymore."

Of course, we know what is taking so long...we are not ready yet are we? I have one dossier paper to wait for oh so impatiently, and you little one, what do you have to do? I wonder, are you born yet and already waiting for us? Or has that not even happened yet? Is that why my dossier, despite my greater efforts, can't seem to get finished? Annika thinks you have been born and are definitely waiting for us...but I still wonder. Whatever you are doing, little one, we are thinking about you and wondering when you will be here with us.

Waiting to Wait

I've finally put my finger on why I am struggling so much with this portion of my wait. I am not actually complaining about waiting. Its because I am not actually waiting yet. I am waiting to wait. As I see it, once my dossier is finished and it goes to the Consulate in New York, then I actually begin waiting for my child. Gathering my own documents and building a dossier is is action oriented, and can be done fairly quickly and easily, once you get going. The last page I need is one that I have no control over. Someone else needs to be complete it. Once I receive it, my dossier is complete and goes to the Consulate. Knowing the dossier is at the Consulate or somewhere in country means that there is hope for something to happen. It is paving the way to the child. This in between place where we are now, this waiting to wait, is a difficult place to be, because I know nothing can happen.

BUT I'M NOT ADOPTING FROM RUSSIA

So, despite allusions of unresponsiveness, the PA State Board of Psychology did complete a letter of good standing and submitted it to my adoption agency. It arrived there today. Unfortunately, it is the standard letter they complete for families adopting from Russia and even noted Russia, not Kazakhstan, as the country as the one I was adopting from! Of course my agency contacted me immediately to tell me it would not work. The good thing was the letter arrived with a signature and a phone number, so I finally have a contact person. When I called, I was told over and over, "but this is the standard letter we use for Russia." I said, but I am not adopting from Russia. I could not explain the idea that I was adopting from a different country and needed a different letter. I kept getting that same answer. Finally, she saw that the letter noted Russia and not Kazakhstan and I had a breakthrough! It was like a light went on. She even got the person who wrote the letter on the phone and she is going to try to get permission to deviate from the "standard Russia letter" and write the letter I need, based on a fax I sent her.

I am disappointed that my dossier could have been finished as of today. I know it wont impact the wait in any way, but I really want the dossier to be complete and out of my hands. It won't go to the consulate for a few more weeks, but I am ready for the part that I am responsible for to be over. I want my official waiting period to begin. Last time I adopted I finished my dossier in under 6 weeks. This time, due to delays and the agency only being able to submit 1 per month, it has taken since August.

RED TAPE

I am so baffled. I need one item to complete my dossier. It is a letter from the State Board of Psychology saying that the psychologist (who wrote my letter of sanity because I am single) is in good standing with the state of Pennsylvania. I requested the letter on January 30th and was told it would take 7-10 days and would cost $15 per letter. I requested 2 letters. A few days after I requested it, I received a call and was told that the there was good news. There was no charge for adoption letters and my check would be returned. I received the check back a few days later and waited 7-10 more days for the letter of good standing, but nothing. I called and was told that it was being handled by the Borad's legal department, and the legal department does not give out timeframes and was transferred to a diferent department. Then I was put into the voicemail of the person who is responsible for the letter. I have the name and phone number of the person who will do the letter, but she neither answers her phone nor has she returned my phone call. I left a message a week ago! If I can't call anyone, and they don't give out timeframes, how do I resolve this?

All But One

All of the items that I need for my dossier, except one, have made it to my agency. My FBI fingerprints, and everything that that required an apostille arrived on Friday. Now I am waiting for my psychologist's letter of good standing. I called to check on the status of it on Friday. The State Board of Psychology told me it is handled by their legal department and the legal department does not give out timeframes.

Fedex Stalker

I have a new morning activity. After Annika goes to school, I am stalking my own email box! I have 3 items that will eventually be Fedexed to my agency via Fedex using my account, and I receive an email from Fedex every morning between 9:02 and 9:20, so I stalk my mail box during that time eagerly looking to see if the FBI has finished my finger prints, the Board of Psychology has finished my psychologist's letter of good standing, or my last 6 apostilles have been completed. Nothing today! (I am not doing so well seeking patience...still need to keep working on that!)

Annika's Dream

Annika woke up smiling today. "I dreamed that my sister was born!" she said sleepily. "She was cute. She had short brown hair and brown eyes and teeny, tiny ears."