Moon Sister

Go Flyers!

2010-05-20T13:35:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, I put Annika and Amelia to bed and waited until they fell asleep to turn on the Flyer's game. I was lying in bed enjoying the game, thinking all was well and everyone was asleep, when I heard loud cheering coming from the crib next to me I looked over to see Amelia standing at the corner of the foot of her crib watching the Flyers play Montreal. She actually stood and watched for about half an hour, yelling daaaaa, daaaaa. Looks like we've got a new Flyers fan in the making!

We Are Home!

2010-04-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

Elena, Amelia and I spent a wonderful week relaxing at the Hyatt in Almaty. WE enjoyed the hotel, took some little adventures outsoide the city, took care of our Almaty business, but mostly relaxed. After a great week in Almaty, we arrived home on April 3rd at 5 pm. Amelia was fantastic on the plane rides and the 7 hour layover. She slept on each flight and only cried for about 15 minutes on the second flight! She was a trooper! Brian, Annika and Gina met us at the airport. Annika was overjoyed to see her new sister. I was overjoyed to see Annika! WE rode and everyone spent the evening enjoying the new baby!

Returning to Kazakhstan!

2010-03-17T14:45:00.000-07:00

My plans are now made to return to Kazkahstan and bring Amelia to her new home. I will leave the US on March 27, arriving in Almaty on the 29th. Amelia will not arrive in Almaty until March 31st but the airlines ahve a rule a Saturday stay overr, so I had to leave on March 27th in order to be home by Easter. WE will do our appointments in Almaty on the 1st and 2nd of April and then leave to return to the US on April 3rd. If all goes smoothly, we will be home Saturday night before Easter.

Officially a Family

2010-03-13T15:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the 15 day waiting period ended and today my coordinator picked up the court decree making Tansholpan an official member of our family. Her new name is Amelia Edolie Tansholpan Demshock. Now we are waiting for her passport and other paperwork, then I can return to Kazakhstan to bring her home! WE are aiming to travel the last weeek of March and maybe arrive home for Easter.

Court

2010-02-24T05:31:00.000-08:00

Today was my Court day at 10:00 am. I woke up at 6am! I was afraid I would oversleep ad I overcompensated. Court went went well and now Amelia Edolie Tansholpan Demshock is my daughter! Of course there is the 15 day waiting period and that will be over March 12, 2009.

3 weeks In Astana

2010-02-16T23:20:00.000-08:00

It has been 3 weeks in Astana and things seem to be going well. I visit Tansholpan every day from from 10 am to 12 noon. She is doing well and getting brighter and more interactive every day. She is a very happy baby and giggles and laughs and loves to be held.

My court date is scheduled for next week on February 24th! All seems to be falling in to place, so I hope I will be coming home soon.

This past weekend I spent time in Karaganda, the from which I adopted Annika. I stayed with my friend Elena, who was my translator on my last trip. It was a great weekend. We talked all weekend. She arranged for a massage for me and then had a dinner party for me and invited my friend Yuriy and his family! It was so good to see everyone again and like time had not passed. We were friends on my last adoption trip and we picked up where we left off last time.

Tansholpan

2010-02-15T00:32:00.001-08:00

First few days of travel

2010-02-15T00:29:00.000-08:00

I left for Astana on January 25, 2010, I flew from Philadelphia to Frankfort, then had long 5 hour layover in in Germay followed by a 6 hour flight to Astana. The plane rides were comfortable and pleasant. Lufthansa takes good care of their passengers. I arrived in Astana after midnight on January 27th and was met by Dina, my coordinator and her husband Arman. It was cold, but not horrible as we wlaked to their car. I was happy to see two large gallon bottles of water sitting on the seat! Dina had thought of my needs and taken care of everything! My apartment is nice and well kept, over looking the river. I have a great view and a lovely sunset each evening.

'Dina told me to be ready at 11 am on Thursday to go to the baby house. At 11 am she called and said we would go at 3.....more waiting! She actually picked me up at 1 and w ewent grocery shopping. WE bought bread and chocolate butter, which is delicious! It is literally as good as a croissat at the hotel hershey! It was finally time to go the baby house,. WE went tothe Department of Educatyio to pick up a representative who was to accompany us....we waited in the parking lot for 15 minutes for her! The finally drove off to the baby house. When we arrived, the woman from the DOE went into the Drirector's and was in there for 30 minutes before we were called in! Dina and I sat in the lobbby and waited some more! Fially it was time to go in. I was introduced, asked some questions, asked about Annika, showed everyone her pictures, they said she was a beautiful girl, and finally they began looking at their lists of babies. after a few minutes, they had seemed to have decided on 3. The first baby was beautiful....looked to be about 9 months but was actually 18 nmonths, so she had some special needs that i knew we could not handle. The second baby was a girl and also had needs we were not equipped to handle. The third baby was a healthy boy, but i looked at hime and knew he was not my son. The baby house staff talked some mopre...it seemed serious...it went on for a while. Would I be going home without a baby i wondered? hen they mentioned Tansholpan...and when she appeared in the room, I knew she was the one! She is 9 months and her birthday is April 10, 2009. Just after convention! Her name, Tansholpan means morning star. She is a big baby....not sure of her weight, but she is big! Definitely not wearing 9-12 month clothing! She wass quiet at yesterday's visit, but today she opened up and was silly and talked baby talk and laughed. She is a thumb sucker, just like her biug sister! The baby house workers tell me she is a good eater and a good sleeper!

So that is it for now...th ebaby house visits are great but the rest of the day is long and lonely!

Time to go!

2010-01-25T13:07:00.000-08:00

The letter of invitation has been processed, the "number" is in the "system" and my Visa has been processed and in the Fedex box waiting to be delivered to me tomorrow morning! I am finally going! I leave tomorrow night and arrive in Kazakhstan Wednesday, then am hopefully off to meet my little on on Thursday! I am excited, apprehensive, and and happy. This is going to be quite a week!

Finally!

2010-01-19T14:44:00.000-08:00

Finally, after 7 trips to the Ministry of Education by my coordinator, my Letter of Invitation has finally been signed! I am tentatively scheduled to leave this weekend, but that is dependant on getting my Visa in time! I am excited, nervous, happy...all at the same time!

WAITING IS HARD!

2010-01-14T10:11:00.000-08:00

So Little One, it is Thursday and our Letter of Invitation has not yet been signed! Poor Dina is going every day to try and get a signature, but it is not working! Libby calls me every morning and tells me the bad news and I know i need to wait another 24 hours to know our plans. I am trying to be patient, but it is hard. It is hard for Annika , to, who runs out of school every day and asks did Libby call? WE have just gone into this mode of existence that involves waiting for 10 AM every day hoping for good news. I had hoped to see you next week, but it looks like we'll be waiting a little longer.

Love,

Mommy

New Things

2010-01-08T17:42:00.000-08:00

Hi there, Little One, we are getting closer to meeting! Libby says we will get my Letter of Invitation next week. I think I am supposed to wait for her to call me, but I cannot see how I can wait much past Monday morning to wait for her call! I am just too excited. I'll have to call her Monday morning after our morning meeting! I am going to fill out my Visa application this weekend so we can be ready to send it off as soon as we get the LOI.

Annika and I went shopping to night and bought you some very cute clothes....little brown pants and a pink ruffle sweater! I have no idea how old you are or how big your, but I am bringing a few things in different sizes. I got you socks and onesies, a teething toy, a crab rattle, and a few other things. Annika was a big help choosing everything. She can't wait to see your picture!

2009

2009-12-31T14:15:00.000-08:00

Well, Little One, as 2009 ends, I know we are getting close to being together! 2009 was a good year, but it was a long year waiting for you. I really thought you would be home by now. We are ready for you! I am ready to be your mommy! I am almost ready to come to Kazakhstan. I have finished your second dossier, I have been to the travel clinic and gotten all my shots and vaccines, I have bought everything I need to travel (I think) and I have gotten all my work for convention done early so I can come and meet you. Now I just need to be invited to travel. I call Libby every week and ask her "is it time yet and she tells me not yet...but soon!

Your sister is ready too! Everywhere we go she tells everyone she is going to be a big sister. She can't wait to hold you, to help you with your bottle and to play with you. She is disappointed she is not coming to Kazakhstan with me to meet you. but she has begun to understand that this may be for the best. She just can't wait until your home. She tells me that as soon as i leave for Kazakhstan she will become a big sister!

So you can see, we are very excited to have you home, are waiting very IMPATIENTLY, and have big plans for when you arrive home! As I write this, you have already celebrated New Years in Kazakhstan! I think you may be too young to know it, but I still want to wish you a happy day!

We are so looking forward to seeing what 2010 has in store for us! I hope to see you soon little one!

Love,

Mommy

Changing the Blog to Private

2009-12-01T15:19:00.000-08:00

I haven't had any firm news on travel yet, but on the advice of my coordinator, the blog will be private until after the baby comes home, just to be on the safe side. I would be glad to invite anyone who has been following to join us privately, so please let me know if you'd like to continue on the journey with us!

A Bit of Frustration

2009-11-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

I am feeling discouraged. Since I began my dossier last October and finished it in February, some of my documents are a year old now. Because I will most likely travel in January/February, this means that I have to redo most of my dossier. Of course this is almost routine with adoptions from Kazakhstan, but the list is long and so is the wait! I try to be positive and keep the attitude that every step of the way takes me to the child who is meant to be mine, but when I saw the number of documents on the list yesterday, I just wanted to give up! That only lasted for a moment, but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

On a positive note, I am pretty much ready to travel. I have my packing list ready to go, I have my warm winter coat, and yesterday, my awesome boots were delivered. Except for my documents and plane tickets, I could be out the door in a few hours!

So frustrated and disheartened as I am, I went back to the computer and re-started my documents, and soon I'll be off to the notary! When I called my doctor about re-doing my physical form, it turns out he's so busy with flu patients, he doesn't even need to see me! I just need to send the form over with the traveling notary and he will complete it for me. I hope it all goes this smoothly!

Line Leader

2009-10-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

The family who was in front of us has traveled and is in Kazakhstan bonding with their baby. Our family will be the next family to receive a LOI from our region. WE don't know how long it will take, but we've been told to expect 2 more months of waiting!

Maybe before the end of the year?

2009-09-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

I talked to my adoption coordiantor this week and it seems as though we may be traveling before the end of the year! What exciting news! Of course I am in no way prepared. Annika has not had her shots and I cannot find her US passport. I had all summer to do these things and this adoption has been porogressing so slowly, I had begun to believe it would never happen! It still seems unreal in so many ways.

I know I can make an appointment and get Annika's travel vaccines done without difficulty, but packing is a bigger issue. I like to ravel light. It is my goal to take one very large duffel bag and pack for Annika and my self in it. She is 6, but I don't think if she is tired, she will be able to handle a piece of luggage in the airport. Each of us would also have a back pack. Thats all I took last time, so I think it may be possible this time. I have my packing list form last time and it seems comprehensive and still useful. Last time I took a lot for the baby, but I may have to cut back and buy that in country. Lots of thoughts are running through my head!

Lots to do, but, wow, we may meet our baby soon!

A Little Bit of Exciting News

2009-08-20T15:08:00.000-07:00

Today I found out that our dossier has passed through the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the Ministry of Education and has been assigned to a region! This is exciting news and I shared it with Annika when I picked her up after camp. I told her I had news that was a little bit exciting and explained what I had been told. She jumped up and down and told me that was very exciting, not a little bit exciting!

On a similar note a few days ago, she asked if we would have balloons when the baby came home. I asked if she wanted balloons and she replied, "every house I know that has a new baby has balloons." Hopefully, our balloons will be coming soon!

Dossier Approved!

2009-05-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

Not only has it been approved, its already in Astana! I opened my email today, expecting to find nothing too exciting after a long holiday weekend, and the first item in the inbox was from my coordinator was an email with the subject "Dossier Approved by Consulate!" Not only was it approved last Friday, it has made its way all the way to Kazkastan over the weekend! it was at the Consulate in New York for 30 days. Hooray!

Dossier

2009-05-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

Well, little one, your dossier has been at the Consulate for over 3 weeks now. It should have moved to Kazakhstan by now, but hasn't. The agency says it will probably move within a week, but I am a little worried. Is there a problem with the dossier or is it just taking longer than usual? Are you just a little one who is not going to be ready for a quite a long time? If not, we can wait. We are anxious, but we can wait. Annika and I walked to the park yesterday. The little girls from up the street came along with us. Isabela is just 3. It was nice having a little on around. Annika said she was practicing to be a big sister. You are never far from our thoughts, little one.

Dear Baby,

2009-05-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

May has finally arrived and your dossier has begun its long journey! It is currently at the Consulate in NYC, and I am told it should be moving on Kazakhstan in the next week or so. I am anxiously awaiting the email from Kathy at MAPS telling me the good news! I check my email often, but no news yet!

April was a busy month, but full of fun things, not so much work as March was. In April, we have more downtime and recover from convention. Annika and I have spent a lot of time outside and gotten to the park quite a bit. She is getting so quick on the monkey bars.

We also planted all sorts of seeds on the planters in the back yard. They are just starting to come up. We usually buy already established plants and put them in the pots, but we decided to go with seeds this year. We'll see how that works out. We planted hollyhocks, snapdragons, a wildflower mix, morning glory, moon flower, poppies, petunias, and sunflowers plus a mix of other things. WE have quite a variety and are looking forward to our patio garden. The rest of the yard is looking nice too, but the flowers are going to be the most exciting part this year.

Annika is enjoying school, especially since they can go outside most days now. Even there, its all monkey bars, all the time. She is waiting for you because she wants to read books to you and take you for walks! She cannot wait to be your big sister. We are also celebrating lots of her special days...the day we met, the day I went to court and in a few weeks, we'll celebrate the day she left the baby house. Some day soon, I hope to be doing all those things with you, little one!

Annika's school had an International Fun Festival 2 weeks ago. It was fun. Theren were games for children and grown ups, international food, and a singing performance by the children. They even sang a Kazakh lullaby! Annika was palnning to wear her Kazakh outfit, but the weather that day was 90 degrees and it was too hot for Kazakh clothes!

So, here we are, another month closer to meeting you! I am excited as the time passes. You are never far from my thoughts. I look at baby clothes and baby toys every time we go shopping, but I know its just too soon. Annika and I talk about starting to look for your special stuffed animal that we will bring to you, just like Kara-bear came to Karaganda to meet Annika and went with me to visit her every day, and soon we will start looking for you special toy. I asked your
Auntie to make you a special little quilt that we could bring with us to Kazakhstan for you, so I am getting closer I feel. I just wish I knew when.

Well little one, the next big news is that the dossier has moved on to Kazakhstan...I hope that happens soon!

Love,

Mommy

Baby Dream

2009-04-27T16:33:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago I had my first baby dream. It was brief, but she was beautiful. Annika and were going to see a movie and we had to walk down a long flight of steps. Annika asked me to carry her and I did, holding her and snuggling her onto my shoulder. When we reached the bottom I gently put her down, but realized she was no longer big Annika, but very tiny, like a toddler and did not look at all like Annika. She was an adorable Asian little one with long, straight hair dressed in a pink jacket and white skirt. When I woke up later, I realized I might have been dreaming about my baby.

A GOOD Agency

2009-04-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

Today I asked my agency a simple, unimportant question. A question actually reflective of my extreme impatience. As part of an email with other information, I asked if my dossier was sent overnight or 3 day. I was wondering when it would actually arrive at the NY Consulate ~ today, tomorrow, Thursday? So when we had reason to correspond I decided to just ask. I literally got an answer in 30 seconds!! How awesome is that? I thanked her being patient with my impatience and am now waiting for my dossier to be processed!

Hooray its going out today!

2009-04-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

Today I got the following email from my agency, red font and all!

Kristen - Your dossier is in our outgoing fedex box – headed out to NY today!!!
Cheers!
Kathy

My dossier is finally starting the journey on which it was meant to travel! I can only wonder where it will take us and to whom it it will take us! Today is 4/20, and it is my dad's mom birthday. I started this journey on my dad's birthday 7/8 and now my dossier starts its journey on my grandmother's birthday. It's so exciting to see where we are going, one step at a time. One step closer to my second baby. One step closer to Annika being a big sister! I am so excited! I finally feel peaceful, now that its on it way!

Mid Month Impatience

2009-04-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

My agency told me that my dossier was likely to go the Consulate in mid April, so I patiently waited through April 15th, forbid myself to call, then on April 16th, curiosity, impatience, the need for information overtook me and I called. I am so pleased with my agency and thier patience and responsiveness. I was able to talk to my coordinator for about 15 minutes and get a good overall perspective of where we are. My dossier should go to the Consulate next week. It has not gone yet because we were waiting for the agency license renewal which has just come in and has now been translated. it will go to the Consulate next week, where it will stay for approximately 1 to 3 weks, then hopefully on to Kazkahstan!

Nine months

2009-04-15T13:45:00.000-07:00

I know I should not compare my first adoption process to my second. It was a different place and time, but I cannot help myself! It is my nature to analyze...to compare and contrast...to deal with data. I have now been working on my second adoption for nine months and one week. My dossier is not even at the Consulate yet. My first adoption, start time to travel, was nine months to the day! I had already met Annika by now and we well into the bonding period!

The good news is my dossier is next in line to go the Consulate and should be going very soon! I am not worried about the slow process. It will happen when it happens. There are a few important events we have to work around and I hope we can do that. Annika starts Kindergarten in the fall. I hope she can have a decent start to school before we leave. I also hope the wait is not so long that we miss her graduation! Work is being very understanding, but would prefer that I not be away in March. I hope I can accommodate and do not have to make a choice! I am worrying about many things prematurely and just need to let it happen when the baby is ready. It's just hard.

Dear Baby,

2009-04-04T07:03:00.001-07:00

April has finally arrived and with it, many hopes for you. With the end of March, came an end to my busy season at work, culminating with our week long convention at The Hotel Hershey. All week long, as we worked our long days comments were made that "next year we'll have a baby working with us!" I am so hopeful that that may be true! With convention over, I can truly turn my thoughts to you. Of ourse, i have next year's convention to plan, but there's plenty of time to do that whil we wait for you. April is the month that my dossier should go to the Consulate in NY. My agency says travel before the end of this year is possible. it is hard to imagine after all this waiting just to complete my dossier, it could happen that quickly!

We started April with a week of rain and your sister has been home from school all week with a fever and an ear infection. She calls it an "ear confection." (I think she had too much fun at convention last week! Lots of chocolate, lots of swimming, and lots of reasons to miss bedtime! I think you will like convention too!) Finally yesterday, the rain stopped, the fever broke, and we were able to go outside and enjoy the spring weather. Our daffodils and tulips are blooming, and Annika is so excited. She has been watching them grow from the window all week, but has been too sick to go outside.

April is the month we celebrate when I traveled to meet Annika, the day I met her and the day I went to court. I hope I can celebrate that your dossier went to the consulate in April too!

Rubbish!

2009-03-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

Last week I mailed some papers to my agency, along with the foreign application fee. Because my dossier is hopefully going to the Consulate in the next few weeks, I emailed my coordinator today to make sure the check had arrived. No, was my reply, we got all of the other papers, but not the check. But the check was in the envelope with everything else, I replied. Oh dear, the envelope is in the trash and I missed the check! I had to laugh! I have been known to throw important things away too! A little bump in the road, but not one that will delay my dossier submission, so its an easy fix!

Let's Celebrate!

2009-03-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

Eight months and 5 days after starting, my dossier has officially been apostilled and has arrived at my agency. I love FEDEX and the PA Department of State! They are so quick and reliable! I just mailed it via FEDEX this past Monday and it was delivered to my agency in MAINE this afternoon! 4 days! I saw the FEDEX tracking notice in my email today and I was so excited...I thought perhaps it would arrive there early next week...FEDEX has a couple of arrrows that light up to tell you where your package is >>>>package received>>>>>in transit>>>>DELIVERED! Honestly, it was like watching a pregnancy test react! I got all tingly and teary! I loved that moment of waiting.... I held my breath thinking its going to stay gray....then...suddenly the light turned green! It was like my own little test, built in to my adoption, to tell me I am officially waiting for a baby!

After 39 Days and 5 Phone Calls....

2009-03-09T15:38:00.000-07:00

the letter of good standing from the State Board of Psychology has finally arrived!! It is the last component I need to provide to my agency to complete my dossier. It is now on a Fedex truck and heading to Harrisburg, PA to be apostilled. From there, it will go directly to my agency.

I won't ever see my completed dossier. Each piece, as I received it, has gone from my hands to the PA Department of State and right on to my agency. I did it the same way for Annika. For Annika, in 2004, it was a lot easier in that I didn't need apostilles because my agency obtained them for me.

Since my agency has most of my dossier, most of it has ALREADY been translated, too. It will be submitted to the Consulate in late March or early April. Now, my agency's license is due for renewal, so they need to wait for that before my dossier can be submitted.

I am relieved that the paper work for which i am responsible is complete for now. I realize that it is often the case that paperwork expires and must be completed again before travel, but for now, I am happy to sit back and wait for our moon sibling.

Without the tension of worrying about paperwork, I can relax and dream about things....will it be a girl or boy? will it be a long wait? to what region will we travel? so many things to be excited about!

Call from the State Board

2009-03-04T17:55:00.000-08:00

I received a phone message today from the woman who is writing my psychologist's letter of good standing. The letter has been completed and will go out in tomorrow's mail!

Thinking of You, Little One

2009-03-03T16:07:00.000-08:00

It is the beginning of March, Little One, and I am hopeful this month. We began the month with a big snowstorm and snow is always a sign of hope for me. I love it-how it can slowly, calmly, blanket the world with peace for a bit. Snow just comes along, and slows everyone down for a day or two, quietly, peacefully, powerfully telling us to snuggle in close and remember what is important. A snow day~ for Annika and for me~ to stay home and play, to cuddle and watch a movie, then eventually to go outside and play. Annika was so excited and asked repeatedly, "Will my baby sister like snow? Will we pull her on the sled? Don't you wish she was here to play with us today?"

We had a great time playing in the snow...we kicked snow at each other, made pretend ice cream cones, played hide-n-seek, and the snow was piled so high, Annika could climb right on top of the mailbox! She made sure to point out that her sister would be too little to do that! Then after we played long enough and began to freeze, we went inside for~ LEMONADE!~ Yes, lemonade! I was expecting hot chocolate too, but Annika was thirsty for lemonade, so we had lemonade!

Now instead of snuggling in for the night, I had a different idea. When I was little, my mom and dad and I always went out to dinner when it snowed, so Annika and I, trying to continue this family tradition, snuck out to "Old McDonald's" for a happy meal. All in all, Annika and I had a lovely snow day, snuggled close and safe and warm and thinking of you.

So I am hoping that this March snow is a good omen, and the next good news is that my dossier is finished and off to the Consulate, because, little one, we are excited about you! Annika wakes up many mornings and asks if this is the day we can go for her sister~ She says she can hardly wait anymore and suggests that i "just call Kakazkstan and find out what is taking so long!." Somedays I pick her after school and she says, "Lets go get my sister..I am ready and I can't hold it in anymore."

Of course, we know what is taking so long...we are not ready yet are we? I have one dossier paper to wait for oh so impatiently, and you little one, what do you have to do? I wonder, are you born yet and already waiting for us? Or has that not even happened yet? Is that why my dossier, despite my greater efforts, can't seem to get finished? Annika thinks you have been born and are definitely waiting for us...but I still wonder. Whatever you are doing, little one, we are thinking about you and wondering when you will be here with us.

Waiting to Wait

2009-03-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

I've finally put my finger on why I am struggling so much with this portion of my wait. I am not actually complaining about waiting. Its because I am not actually waiting yet. I am waiting to wait. As I see it, once my dossier is finished and it goes to the Consulate in New York, then I actually begin waiting for my child. Gathering my own documents and building a dossier is is action oriented, and can be done fairly quickly and easily, once you get going. The last page I need is one that I have no control over. Someone else needs to be complete it. Once I receive it, my dossier is complete and goes to the Consulate. Knowing the dossier is at the Consulate or somewhere in country means that there is hope for something to happen. It is paving the way to the child. This in between place where we are now, this waiting to wait, is a difficult place to be, because I know nothing can happen.

BUT I'M NOT ADOPTING FROM RUSSIA

2009-02-26T14:48:00.000-08:00

So, despite allusions of unresponsiveness, the PA State Board of Psychology did complete a letter of good standing and submitted it to my adoption agency. It arrived there today. Unfortunately, it is the standard letter they complete for families adopting from Russia and even noted Russia, not Kazakhstan, as the country as the one I was adopting from! Of course my agency contacted me immediately to tell me it would not work. The good thing was the letter arrived with a signature and a phone number, so I finally have a contact person. When I called, I was told over and over, "but this is the standard letter we use for Russia." I said, but I am not adopting from Russia. I could not explain the idea that I was adopting from a different country and needed a different letter. I kept getting that same answer. Finally, she saw that the letter noted Russia and not Kazakhstan and I had a breakthrough! It was like a light went on. She even got the person who wrote the letter on the phone and she is going to try to get permission to deviate from the "standard Russia letter" and write the letter I need, based on a fax I sent her.

I am disappointed that my dossier could have been finished as of today. I know it wont impact the wait in any way, but I really want the dossier to be complete and out of my hands. It won't go to the consulate for a few more weeks, but I am ready for the part that I am responsible for to be over. I want my official waiting period to begin. Last time I adopted I finished my dossier in under 6 weeks. This time, due to delays and the agency only being able to submit 1 per month, it has taken since August.

RED TAPE

2009-02-25T15:38:00.000-08:00

I am so baffled. I need one item to complete my dossier. It is a letter from the State Board of Psychology saying that the psychologist (who wrote my letter of sanity because I am single) is in good standing with the state of Pennsylvania. I requested the letter on January 30th and was told it would take 7-10 days and would cost $15 per letter. I requested 2 letters. A few days after I requested it, I received a call and was told that the there was good news. There was no charge for adoption letters and my check would be returned. I received the check back a few days later and waited 7-10 more days for the letter of good standing, but nothing. I called and was told that it was being handled by the Borad's legal department, and the legal department does not give out timeframes and was transferred to a diferent department. Then I was put into the voicemail of the person who is responsible for the letter. I have the name and phone number of the person who will do the letter, but she neither answers her phone nor has she returned my phone call. I left a message a week ago! If I can't call anyone, and they don't give out timeframes, how do I resolve this?

All But One

2009-02-23T12:49:00.000-08:00

All of the items that I need for my dossier, except one, have made it to my agency. My FBI fingerprints, and everything that that required an apostille arrived on Friday. Now I am waiting for my psychologist's letter of good standing. I called to check on the status of it on Friday. The State Board of Psychology told me it is handled by their legal department and the legal department does not give out timeframes.

Fedex Stalker

2009-02-17T06:50:00.000-08:00

I have a new morning activity. After Annika goes to school, I am stalking my own email box! I have 3 items that will eventually be Fedexed to my agency via Fedex using my account, and I receive an email from Fedex every morning between 9:02 and 9:20, so I stalk my mail box during that time eagerly looking to see if the FBI has finished my finger prints, the Board of Psychology has finished my psychologist's letter of good standing, or my last 6 apostilles have been completed. Nothing today! (I am not doing so well seeking patience...still need to keep working on that!)

Annika's Dream

2009-02-16T07:35:00.000-08:00

Annika woke up smiling today. "I dreamed that my sister was born!" she said sleepily. "She was cute. She had short brown hair and brown eyes and teeny, tiny ears."

Big Sister

2009-02-15T06:24:00.000-08:00

Annika's daily life is filled with thoughts being a big sister. I don't talk about it a lot or focus on it with her because it is so far away and I don't want the waiting to be any harder on either of us than it has to be. I think were at least 9 months away. I don't ignore it either....its a major life event and we need to prepare appropriately, but I want Annika's life to go on unencumbered by a long, tedious and often stressful process. We prepare for our family to grow. I tell her of the landmarks....our paper work is finished for now or an important paper came in the mail, but I don't dwell on it regularly. We celebrate the big steps. (Actually, I don't really mind the wait...i do mind the delays...but the wait is ok for now...its part of the process to get to our next family member, my second daughter. I just don't want to make it more stressful for Annika.) On the other hand, Annika has embraced her future role and we discuss it often. She has already involved the next child in the fabric of our lives. At each meal she asks, will my sister like this food? Where will she sit? Will I help feed her? She brings old toys in and tells me she is now too big for them and the baby can have them. The baby already has a toy bus, a 2 wheeler, a tricycle, and a phonics bus! When we are shopping she wants to shop for clothes the baby. (So do I, but I resist at this point!) Annika begins many sentences with "when i am a big sister I will...." She also reports, as she does her big girl tasks, "My sister won't be able to do this because it is too big for her." Her teacher reports that this excitement bubbles over into school too. She is realistic. She knows that it will not be all fun, asking "what if my sister pulls my hair or pinches me?" She smiles with relief when I tell her we will say, "No, no baby, please be gentle with your big sister." "What if she doesn't stop?" she asks. "Then I will come and move her away for you," I say. These conversations seem to work out many issues in her mind and give her a clearer picture of where we are heading. She even asks, "What if I yell at my sister?"I love that she is thinking so deeply about it and cares so much about the relationship already. I am glad she is happy and excited. I hope the energy doesn't wear off with a lengthy wait. Annika tells me she is already a sister and the baby is born and she will be home this year. It all remains to be seen, but she surely seems ready as she tells me "I love my sister already!" Sounds so familiar. She echoes what is in my heart.

Waiting for Our New Love

2009-02-14T07:11:00.000-08:00

We are sitting happily on Valentine's morning having a lazy start to our day. I am enjoying my coffee and Annika is reading to me. Its freezing out and I am not anxious to start our day, so we cuddle and relax. She is reading "Love Lola" a Valentine's storybook given to her by Collin, a boy at school. It is a sweet pop-up story about a little bear named Lola who pesters her brother while he is making his Valentines, but in the end gives the cutest one to her. I am struck by the fact that my daughter, who not so long ago, was saying, "Happy Hollentine's day, Mama!" is now reading to me. A look back reminds me of my tiny princess and our first few Valentine's together...the first year she was just walking, with a cute heart sweater and Pebble's hairdo, not so sure about what the day meant. Now she knows and and celebrates with joy.

As I sit here with her, I cherish this day and wonder what our next Valentine's Day will bring. A look forward to next year could reveal an array of possibilities. Will there be a little one crawling on our floor? Will we still be waiting? Will we be in Kazakhstan? its possible that our baby is already born and waiting for us. Annika thinks this is the case and says she is already a big sister. She has a good sense of such things and may be right. I don't have that feeling yet, but I have been a bundle of nerves and am not tuned into my senses just yet.

Whatever the next year brings, with so many unknowns, it will hopefully be posiitive and exciting. There are so many things to hope for while waiting and the excitement in our house on Valentine's Day 2009 is palpable.

Do it Right!

2009-02-12T14:40:00.000-08:00

As I complain about the last few pieces of paper work that have yet to arrive at my agency, I got an email from my agency and a phone call from the FBI today. I did not fill out the money order for my finger prints in my haste to drop it in the mail! Rather than delay things, i was able to provide an alternate form of payment. However, I cannot complain about the wait if i don't do it right!

Out of my hands

2009-02-11T14:49:00.000-08:00

My dossier is officially out of my hands today. I fedexed the last 6 pages to be apostilled and once done, they will be forwarded directly to my agency. Annika made a little celebration of it and I waited until after school to put it in the fedex box. She actually did the honors, with a little kiss, and wish to "go fast to Kazakhstan."

I also talked to Libby, my coordinator, today who assured me that all is well, most of my dossier is already on the way to be translated, and I am now second in line to be submitted to the Consulate in New York. It looks like it will go to NY in late March or early April.

The second time around

2009-02-10T15:06:00.000-08:00

Things have changed the second time around. The first time I completed a Kazakhstan adoption, my time frame from dossier submission to travel was 5 1/2 months. The entire process, from the day I made my decision, through researching agencies, homestudy, dossier preparation, etc, was 1 year and 1 month. I decided to move forward with number 2 on July 8, and it has been 7b months and 2 days and my dossier is not even finished yet (because it cannot be submitted to the Consulate by my agency until March/April). Then the real waiting will begin.

With my last adoption, I was fairly sure of when I would travel, fairly sure that my daughter had been born and was waiting in a baby house, and absolutely sure it would be a daughter. I had a much clearer picture of who was waiting for me and more faith in the process as a quick and sure process.

I found out a few days ago I need 6 or 7 more documents to complete my dossier. I have now gathered them all or they are the process of being created and should be ready by the end of next week, then my dossier will finally go to translation. I will feel much relief when it is translated and on to the Consulate. I am ready for it to be out of my hands and for a clock to start clicking.

With my last adoption from Kazakhstan, the most daunting part of the process was the trip...I was not worried about the time or my baby, but the conditions in which I would be living. It turned out to be wonderful. I hope this time, we are just as well off. I do still worry about accommodations. I'd like to be in a hotel again because it gives us options to get out and about, but one of the cities we may travel to is Astana and it may cost prohibitive to stay in a hotel in that city. This time, along with worries about where I'll stay, I worry about traveling with Annika, the whole worrisome process, the unknowns that were not there last time, and the thought of traveling home with 2 children!

Nevertheless, I am trying to remind myself that each step brings me closer to my child and my child is not ready yet. I thought the fact that I had a child would make me more patient with the process the second time around. I was sadly mistaken!

Peace, perhaps

2009-02-07T09:47:00.000-08:00

I am holding onto yesterday's thoughts and feel more at peace today. All day yesterday, I turned off NPR, turned on music and let the problems of the world go, and gave myself some time. I can choose to be miserable or make the most of my life. What I have is my life and I need to choose to do better. Yes there is a big gaping hole without my mom and dad, and there always will be, but the only way I fill it it is by moving forward. Not moving on. I can't move ON without them. Moving on feels as if I am leaving them behind and that breaks my heart. But moving forward means choosing to live my life, knowing they were apart of it, knowing they are with me, and keeping their memories alive more my children.

Its hard to lose your best friends...harder to know their not coming back ever...holding on for eternity is not enough right now....I miss them and I need them! These are the thoughts I am burdened with and I seriously contemplated them yesterday. They are wearing me down. I need to make changes. I was always happy, carefree, and seriously worry free. My mom called me "no nerves." because I didn't really get stressed and when, very rarely, I did, I did not show it. The last 7 years have taken their toll. My trust in the universe and in myself has been shaken to the core. I have had the audacity to put God on probation for a year and the day he was due to come off, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. Probation continued indefinitely. I have lost most of my family and many friends, or people who I thought were friends during my ordeal. Brian and I have been stretched to a place beyond where I thought recovery was possible. I have gained weight and now lost most of it. I am tired. I am a little lost. Nothing in my life is as was.

However, as I realized yesterday, I am still me somewhere buried deep, and I can continue to be me if i try. I was always positive and will work on doing it again. I will let life happen as it is supposed to. I cannot control it anyway, so why make myself miserable. I just need to keep reminding myself of that and how good my life was and is. I have a beautiful daughter. I am working on bringing home a second child and that will happen in due time. I am never going to have the life I dreamed of for my children, with grandparents and a full house at the holidays, but I will have 2 little sweeties who I love, love me, and love each other, filling my house with giggles, silliness, and joy, and that is more that I dared to dream of when I adopted Annika.

My Perspective on Adoption Number 2

2009-02-06T06:20:00.000-08:00

When I adopted Annika, I was at peace with the process. My life approach was more zen-like than it is now. I approached every moment of it as a step toward leading me to the child that is to be mine. The bumps did not bother me in the least. I trusted that they were part of my journey. I was so calm about it that even my adoption coordinator complimented me on being the model client. Even when Mary Jane Capron's agency hijacked my dossier and would not give it back, i was calm. Almost 5 years later, I struggle to find that trust in the universe that used to have. I have a greater need to control the process and I realize how much I have changed and perhaps not for the better. My life has changed dramatically. I no longer have parents and I am a mom. I am no longer calm, cool and collected at all times.

With this adoption, I started my process on July 8th, did my home study in September, then due to various delays, was asked to postpone completing my dossier until further notice. Just before Christmas, my agency gave me the go ahead to finish my dossier after the holidays, which I did. I am so quick with a dossier!! Just last week, my agency reviewed my paperwork and gave me a list of 6 or 7 things that either need to be updated or added before my dossier can go to translation. I was able to gather all but 2 items in 4 days, the others will take about 2 weeks, so it is not a long delay.

The issue that bothers me is that 5 years ago, I was not a nervous person. I went along with life as it happened. Is it simply motherhood? It can't be the one thing I've wanted forever has changed me into bag of nerves, can it? I don't think so. Being a mom is the best part of my whole life. I think perhaps with the second adoption comes the realization of reality. It is not a dream, but a living, breathing, crying baby with an older sister who also has many needs! I now know how huge the responsibility is. On the other hand, I also I also know how huge the joy is, and am anxious to live that joy again....meeting my child for the first time....getting to know each other....having Annika see her birth country....are all things I am anxious to experience, so that makes me eager to have the process in motion, but of course I must learn to tell myself as I did last time, our baby is not ready yet.

Simply writing this has given me better perspective on my feelings and a bit of peace. The realities are, it the later I travel, the better...having 2 in pre-school will be a stretch. It will be done, but when Annika is in first grade, the burden will be eased. Financially, traveling closer to the end of this year will allow me to save more. All this said, I have relaxed for the moment. I still want my dossier to be complete and out of my hands, but that will happen in the next 2 weeks. Until then, I'll try to find my peace.

INAUGURATON DAY

2009-01-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

This is such a happy day with a new outlook. Its hard for me to put into words without negativity and I don't want to be negative. I want a happy secure future for my children. When I left this country to adopt Annika, I was treated very well, but was often asked, "What do you think of your American President?" I didn't hide my opinion nor did my questioners. I brought Annika home in 2004 and I cried on election night. I clearly remember sitting in the recliner, holding her, tears streaming down my face, as apologized to her for what was to come. I am relieved to feel hopeful and excited for oour country's future and that of my children. I am excited that if I return to Kazkahstan when I asked what I think of our president, I can accept him as MY president and I can say that I respect and admire him.

Lillie and Edmund?

2009-01-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

I struggle with choosing the name Lillie simply because I love it. I believe it should have more meaning and more connection ot my family. Annika was named to honor my grandmother Anna and my mom Rosemary, two strong, wonderful, amazing woman. They had complete and profound impact on my life and who I am and we miss them everyday. As I searched for a name for my next baby, I wanted to honor my dad, Edmund. But Edmund is difficult to correlate with a girl's name. I have tried. Emilia and Emika are good, but do not have the perfect ring to my ear. I feel a bit of guilt because I want to name her to honor my dad. I researched the name Lillie and some other family names and as it turns out, the name Susan means Lily. HUH? Stick with me here....my dad's mom was named Susan....its a bit of a stretch, but the name Lillie just came to me out of nowhere last week, much as the beginning of this adoption process did on my dad's birthday, so perhaps....if we think of greater powers guiding me ... the name Lillie can be thought of as a way of honoring my dad. I realize its a stretch, but it works for me. So she shall be Lillie Ana, variations of my two grandmother's names, to honor my dad, who loved his mom, and my mom mom, who I loved.

Mission Completion-Dossier Phase

2009-01-16T05:23:00.001-08:00

On Wednesday I picked up the last page of my dossier and yesterday i mailed it for apostille, so this phase of the process is complete. Ths week, I finished and forwarded my dossier pictures on to Libby at my agency. Two packages have been fedexed to the PA Department of State for Apostilles. For my part, this phase of the paperchase is over and the apostilles should be finished next week and mailed to MAPS and thus officially completing my dossier.

NAMES

2009-01-11T09:21:00.000-08:00

Lily Ana: Lily means Purity, beauty, innocence/Ana means Grace

Lily is just pretty, goes nicely with Annika, and I have and Aunt and a cousin respectively named Lillian and Lila, and Ana in honor of my Mom Mom Anna

Rose Eden: Beauty and love/pleasure delight In honor of mom Rosemary and my dad Edmund

Emilia Rose: Industrious/ beauty In honor of my dad and mom, using just the "E" for my dad

Alex Rose: Noble/ Beauty In honor of my Pop Pop Al and my mom

Emika Rose: Loved Friend/ Beauty Again in honor of my dad and mom

They are not in any order. I like all of them. Today I like Lily Ana best, but I would like to honor my dad in the name. I also like Liliana Rose, but Lily on its own is so pure and simple and lovely. Annika and Lily sound precious together. I have thought long and hard about Emilia and was set on that, but it always felt one syllable too heavy. So for today, it is Lily Ana, plus her Kazak name.

With Annika, I knew I wanted a variation of Anna and Rosemary, and researched my options and once I came upon Annika Rose, it was set. Once I met her, it fit. I would love a pretty "E" name to honor my dad, and to pair it with Rose, but despite hours on name websites and with my nose in baby name books, I cannot find an "E" name that I love as much as I love Annika's name. I do love Lily that much. Today. Let's see if it sticks.

ALREADY LOVED

2009-01-11T08:01:00.000-08:00

It appears as though nothing has happened since August. It actually felt that way too. It has been a series of starts and stops due to various changes in the rules and regulations governing Kazak adoptions. The agencies, the Consulate, the Departments within the country itself, as well as adopting parents had to implement many changes, resulting in many delays and adjustments. My homestudy was approved in September, and while many of the delays were in effect, I was fortunate to also be waiting for my INS approval, which I received in November. My agency implementd the required changes, and finally gave me approval to proceed with my dossier in mid December. As it turned out, I had only a few things to complete and they will be in the mail to be apostilled this week.

As it stands now, my dossier will be finished in about 2 weeks, then go to translation, then be submitted to the Consulate in March/April. The wait then is 9-12 months. In an ideal world, I wold travel in either the fall or late spring. January to March is virtually impossible with my job, but perhaps the two trip option or an escort will have to be considered too.

The little extra time due to the delay has actually been good for me and allowed me to calm myself and adjust to the idea of two children. The delays also make me realize just how much I want this child and how much he or she is already loved.

Christmas 2008 ~ Waiting for Baby ~ Keeping the Secret

2008-12-25T06:19:00.000-08:00

December 2008

Happy Holidays! 2008 is almost a memory and for our family, it was a year spent closer to home after our travels of 2007. WE needed to relax and rest our feet. Or so I thought! We were as busy as ever! The early part of our year is always busy as we focus on the PADONA convention and busy-ness and excitement that that entails. It has truly become a family business and everyone has jobs and works hard. By the time we arrive in Hershey, the work is finished, but for me, the stress begins, hoping all goes well. Annika simply becomes the hotel's princess. Imagine being a 5 year old in a hotel full of Hershey's chocolate! I am busy from 6 am to 10 pm. Meanwhile, everyone is doting on her, giving her treats and taking her swimming. She does work too. She helps unpack boxes and she can make deliveries and is great at meeting and greeting members, with a firm hand shake and a great memory for names. We love convention. Its hard work, but its a wonderful week and over much too quickly.

After this year's convention, our big project was to throw an after prom party for Kate, my godaughter and one of Annika's godmothers. It was great fun to plan. The theme of the prom was Breakfast at Tiffany's, so our theme was Tiffany inspired, with everything colored tiffany blue, a cake that looked like a Tiffany box, gift bags for the attendees, and a refrigerator full of food. They arrived at midnight, woke up Annika, who happily joined them in her own pink ruffled tutu. We thought she would greet everyone and fall asleep. but she joined the fun and and at one point was seen on out on her swingset at 2 am! They were wonderful kids and we had a great time and even got some sleep !

Over the summer, we spent weekends at the beach with friends and instead of going away, we had guests from afar. Throughout the summer, we had visitors from Kazakhstan. Elena, who was my translator when I adopted Annika, and while I was there became so dear a friend that I asked her to be one of Annika's godmothers, spent a week at the beginning and end of the summer with us. Her 10 year old son Jenya came along, too. We talked, relaxed, drank tea, traveled locally and just had wonderful girl time, while the children played. Despite the fact the Jenya speaks Russian and Annika speaks English, they managed to have a great time and were inseperable throughout the visit. They made up silly games, played outside and suddenly, I had a house filled with noise and laughter. Annika was sure she was learning to speak Russian, and began to put a series of unrecognizable sounds together and spoke to us in only this language. She was quite surprised when we did not understand her Russian! Even now, she continues to speak "Russian" occasionally and when I ask her to translate, she politely advises me to learn Russian too! After Elena and Jenya left, we had the two Anyas, Elena's daughter and her best friend, spend time with us, which was great fun and involved a bit of sightseeing and a lot of shopping. They are two teenage girls from Kazakhstan who spent the summer in various parts of the US and ended their trip at our house. They arrrived with one suitcase each and went home with five! We spent a lot of time at the mall and Annika loved playing with the "big girls" who doted on her, polished her nails, and let her play hairdresser with their long hair.

Like many families, we spent much of our year focused on who was to be our next president. Even Annika had a strong opinion and made her choice very early...long before any grown ups in our house made any decisions. In February, during a primary debate, she walked over to the TV and pointed to one man and said "I like him ...and he'll need her to help him," pointing to Obama and Hiilary. "What"s his name?" she asked. I told her his name and she said "Onka Cobonka? I never heard a name like that. I like him." She remained committed to her candidate and by August, she would wake up each morning and ask, "Is today the day that we find out if Onka Cobonka wins?" By election day she fortunately learned to pronounce his name and cheered happily when I woke her at 11 pm to see the announcement of the winner.

We are well and happy. Work keeps us busy, but I enjoy it very much and for that I am fortunate, but the time at home is most cherished. Annika is wonderful. She is smart and happy, fun and funny. She sings and dances her way through each day. She is 5 and since she isa summer birth day, she does not start kindergarten until next year, which has given her the opportunity to blossom this year. She loves school and continues at Montessori Children's House. She just started reading and is so proud of herself. She loves math, music, and gym. She also takes ballet. Annika has asked Santa for a scooter and leapfrog computer game. Her favorite toys are coloring books, crayons, her dollies, her doggies, and her bike. She will work at her little desk for hours and since her desk is across from mine, quite often, we work together. She has two pet hermit crabs named Jenya and Little Shawn, who are dearly loved. She is full of energy, full of questions, and full of love.

Although I am so blessed, I still struggle. My life will always lack the sparkle my mom brought to it and laughter and energy my dad brought and thats most apparent at holiday time. Having Annika is wonderful and seeing the world through her eyes is joyful and she makes everything fun. I hope you are well this holiday season and that you spend time doing things that make you happy~that the people you care about are close to you and that you have good fortune and health in the year to come.

Warmly,

Kristen

Moving Along

2008-08-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

I have had my first home study visit (last Monday July 28, 2008) and it went nicely. It was basically a review of the application process prior to completing the actual the home study as well as a discussion of my readiness for adopting internationally and raising a child of a race different than my own. Annika stayed with Helen and when I went to pick her up, Helen had a delicious dinner ready for us!

MOON SISTER

2008-07-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

Annika and I are beginning another adoption journey. The first brought us together and made us a family. We have been together for 4 years, since she was 8 months old. The time feels right to add to our family. Annika's birthname is Altynai, which means Golden Moon, so we are waiting for a Moon Sister.

It begins again....

2008-07-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

I started the paperwork today for my daughter...for Annika's Sister. I am not sure what inspired me, but despite having many things to do, I mailed my application for my homestudy, my updated autobiography and a check to my home study agency. When I started filling out the check, I realized it is July 8, my dad's birthday, and believe perhaps he was nudging me (as he always did) to get moving!

I am amazed at the difference in the feelings as one begins the process for a second child. My primary emotion is fear! I want to do this, but the reality of being a mom, that was not present during the first magical process is oh so prevalent. My fear is not of being able to manage 2 or love 2, but the finances and the true reality of 2 and managing that! When I adopted Annika, I had a safety net...my dad and a supportive family. My dad is no longer here and my family is far away. Sometimes I feel like Triple A is my only safety net (and they don't help with child care)!

So I will proceed slowly and cautiously and enjoy the process and see where it takes our family!